Bothersome
by Chibitaida
Summary: It is uncommon for insecurities to over take your happiness when you think everything about you is decent, and for Carly it is no different.


**Sloth: **Hey there! This is the Sloth here to provide you service,and by "service" I mean some of my short one-shots. Yeah. I wrote this in a single night after coming to some feelings I've been feeling for the past days, and to be honest, I'm glad I did since I actually pretty great now. Although I really shouldn't have until after Tri-kappa (aka the art festival that I always ramble on about) was over or at least I update_ Crazy Little Thing Called Lov_e (CLTCL), but I think I needed a break from things.

So yeah. Happy reading I guess.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's and that's totally okay.

Title: Bothersome

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As another submission to her blog was completed, Carly clicked her internet tab close and ventured into the vast world of the internet. Originally she had planned to head to bed after her "work" was finished, but Carly shrugged it off and decided to make the time enjoyable, even if it was indeed 3 A.M. in the dreary, lonesome night.

She browsed the web for anything cute in particular such as colorful sundresses, decorative jewelries, and even adorable desserts that popped up onto the search images every now and then. Carly wore a smile on her face in which was easily seen with the intense lighting from the monitor screen. She would have thought to at least turn the lights on so her eyes won't be strained, yet without a care, she didn't even bother to. She would probably regret that later.

She pushed backwards onto her chair, leaning on only a pair of chair legs, and envisioned herself wearing those cute outfits and eating those scrumptious treats. Indeed she felt beautiful at the idea of wearing a sun-kissed sundress with a matching hat and pair of dress shoes. Carly thought about wearing a different dress, this time the color peach, with accessories which could be an orange bangle, golden-silk scarf, or even a simple flowery necklace. _It's a shame that I'm probably not pretty enough to wear such things, _Carly sighed to herself after she thought about the reality she lived in.

Replacing her once smile with a frown, Carly thought about her current position. She glanced behind her and saw her near vacant room, realizing that truly her possessions in total were small in the tiny apartment. Her eyes returned to the screen and once more sighed. Really when she thought about it, her job wasn't much. No. It wasn't exactly what she had dreamed of it to be when she was a small child. Carly had dreamed of being a successful news reporter, but after being reminded that she was barely a news reporter who really isn't that successful at all, she felt slightly depressed. She saw that her word document was still open with her attempted work, and it dawned to her that she seemed to only succeed with whatever headlines she could at least try to blog without running into trouble in doing so.

A sad, near-whine sound escaped from her mouth. "It's not that bad," she assured herself as she continued to lean on back legs of the chair, "I mean, I'm having fun at least with my dream. It doesn't matter if I'm not that successful- I'm still pretty great." _Maybe not as great as Angela though... _Before she could even scold herself for comparing herself to _her _of all people, the chair finally lost its balance and threw Carly backwards onto the floor.

_**Thwamp!**_

"Ow, ow, ow," she gasped, untangling herself from the chair's trap meanwhile her body stung from the sudden fall. Carly pulled away free and straightened the chair back to its position only she didn't sit back down. Instead the small reporter began to shut her computer down. Creating her own placebo by rubbing her hurting body parts to feel better, Carly sat down onto her bed and watched the computer screen go from white to blue to black. Alone in the dark, she thought about how she even dared to compare herself with Angela.

It bothered her that Angela was perhaps a better news reporter because obviously she was actually a successful one unlike Carly. It of course bothered her that Angela would rub it into her face every so often, but most of the times Carly would brushed it aside with her own cheer-ups about that it wasn't the title or pay that mattered, but it was the joy of reporting amazing news of the things she loved. Carly groaned, however, and she dragged her face downward with her hands. As much as she always had believed in that, she was kinda starting to doubt that.

"When am I successful?" She asked herself. Indeed when was she? On regular daily basis, she can hardly even find a story good enough to publish, yet she still was excited to try to look for something_. Look for what?_ "Look for something so I can actually have as my own success...?"

That thought penetrated her heart, scarring it with an intense pain. "That can't be true. No, it can't be," Carly tried to laugh it off. _But what if it's true? _"No, I love doing what I do. It doesn't matter if I'm not successful."

_But I'm not that great. _Carly scowled. "Now why would I think that?" She paused to think. Downcastly she muttered, "Well, I am a klutz as proven by the chair. I guess I am too hype for a lot of things. Even I could be annoying."

Annoying. Could be annoying. _**I **__could be annoying. _If the thought of being unsuccessful managed to pierce through her heart, Carly was not prepared for the next internal pain she was about to face. Her throat felt painfully dried, and her chest felt tight and empty with only one familiar feeling- sadness. She tried to brush it off. "I guess I can be annoying, but who finds me annoying anyway? No one does I think."

_Jack does._

Tears that were pooling at the rim of her eyes cascaded her cheeks. Carly blinked in surprised. "What? Where did these thoughts come from? I didn't know I was... crying," She smiled through her tears. "I didn't seem to notice."

_I didn't seem to notice that I'm a failure who annoys the people she loves to report about._

The mental battle between herself in her head had begun. Carly wiped her tears away, hoping she would stop but more tears fell instead. "I'm not a failure. I'm not! I just need to improve, that's all. A-and I'm not _that _annoying. I mean, my friends know that I'm going to be naturally be excited over whatever scoops I can get from them, so it's okay."

_But Jack thinks you're annoying. He thinks you're a bothersome, Carly._

She hiccupped, "If that's true, why hasn't he said that to me?" _Because maybe you're too stupid and blind to see the clues. Your ugly glasses are too thick for you to even see. _She gasped at her own thoughts. The tears continued to fall. Refusing to let the thoughts go to her head, she shook her head. "No. I may bother Jack I guess at times, but he hasn't exactly pushed me away. No. Neither did the others pushed me away, so I'm okay. I'm decent. Yes. I'm just me. There's nothing wrong. A-and I know Jack well enough to know when to back off, right? I'm okay."

_You're not that great, Carly Nagisa. You shouldn't tell yourself lies to make you feel better. _

Carly removed her glasses. If the light was still on, she would no doubt see the white specks that had formed from her sudden crying. She rubbed her eyes again to stop crying, but it was not use. She exhaled a miserable sob, "Where are these thoughts coming from? Why am I antagonizing myself? I'm okay, aren't I? I shouldn't be bringing myself down."

_Ha! You ugly freak. If you were really okay, you wouldn't be having these thoughts, would you? Admit it, Carly, you're not okay. You're just an annoying failure who doesn't even seem to _try_ with the new reports, you pry onto the lives of others, and you're nowhere as good as Angela. And your so-called "friends" you claim to have, they're probably too nice to tell you off. You're probably talked bad behind your back as soon as you leave the room. Don't even get started on the sundresses you were looking at. You think that _you_ of all girls out there can look good in them? Do yourself a favor by not bothering anyone or _yourself.

Burying her face into her hands, Carly had finally hit the wall and wailed. "I-I am that b-bad. I am so annoying. How do p-people even put up with me? How does M-misty even approach me when I'm p-pat-thetic?! And as for J-jack! Oh-!" She choked on her words. "I'm not that a-attractive or smart. I'm awkward. I don't even feel amazing right now with my j-job, and-"

In a fit of sadness, she tossed her glasses what she believed was hideous onto the floor, away from her, and buried herself into her bed. Letting it all go, Carly hiccupped and sobbed into her mattress, drowning out her cries. In a long time she never felt so low about herself. She didn't have the strength to tell herself that her thoughts were frivolous and should be ignored, nor did she had the will to even call one of her friends to ask if she was indeed a nuisance. It was after all now 3:30 a.m. in the morning, and she _would _be annoying if she interrupted them from their sleep. It pained her just thinking that she absolutely needed someone to comfort her right now, but she couldn't in fear of justifying her mind's reasoning.

If only she could cry to Jack about how extremely unsure she was, but then again, didn't her mind told her that he has been trying to give her clues? Honestly, Carly didn't want to find out if that was true at the moment. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to know at all. Carly wouldn't know how to feel should she hear it from the man she loved himself that he was getting pestered by her natural personality.

She _really __**needed **_someone to talk to, but she couldn't. She just couldn't. She didn't want to be assured and feel better about herself if she was only pestering the person. In the end, Carly held onto her pillow tightly and continued to cry, her wails echoing her room. It was good thing that Carly had forgotten that there were other people living in the apartment otherwise she would have forced herself to suppress her cries, thus hurting even more. For now she would cry out her feelings, letting go of her insecurities in the process without knowing it.

The hours would drag on and so would her mental battle, but the end result would be revealed once she would wake to the morning sun. Carly would find herself feeling tired at first before picking up her glasses off the floor in order to try again with her passion for news reporting and highlighting the successes of others rather than her own. She could very possibly run into her friends along with Jack, and she would have the choice to ask if she bothered them in anyway.

In the end, Carly would cry again out of happiness to hear that she was no bothersome by Jack Atlas himself although she may make him feel awkward once she does cry, however, after this, Carly would begin yet another day without feeling the weight of her insecurities pulling her down. Carly Nagisa will be happy again.

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**Sloth: **I'm not quite sure what to say next really. All I can really think is that I feel better. Originally the story was going to have a different ending, but I like this one better.

Thank you for reading. Like always, it means a lot to me. Have a fabulous day now~

-Sloth


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